Deep Blue
by ZareEraz
Summary: Fem!Watanuki! Remember the saying, you break it, you buy it? Well, Watanuki breaks a vase and frees up a grabby nuisance that really likes her. Unfortunately, the little nuisance hates Doumeki. One shot.
A/N: ZareEraz here! This fic is inspired by J. Michael Tatum's (Doumeki's voice actor) octopus story that I first saw on a RamenCon YouTube video thanks to my BFF and proofreader HeartQueenVivaldi! It was too hilarious so I just had to write a story about it! Enjoy! :3

Deep Blue

The whole mess started with a huge crash in Yuko's storehouse.

"Watanuki…" Yuko called, poking her head into the hallway and looking towards her storehouse. "Are you okay in there?~"

"GODDAMNIT!" Came the reply.

"Oh dear," Yuko shook her head. "What is it this time?" The witch slunk her way into the storehouse, her kimono dragging across the ground lightly. She walked in and made her way around the piles of objects that Watanuki had been cleaning until she made it to the back and looked around a corner. Watanuki was on the floor, a broken, blue vase lying shattered next to her. But Yuko wasn't made that the vase had been broken, she was too busy chuckling at the seer's instant karma as she wriggled on the ground, trying to get her attacker off of her. Watanuki was pulling at what seemed to be an octopus the size of her head that was grabbing and clinging to her torso and shoulders, refusing to let go as it chirped happily. "Yuko! What is this thing?!"

"Oh, I see you found it." Yuko crouched down and placed her chin on her knees, wrapping her arms around her shins.

"Found what?!" Watanuki snapped as the pinkish octopus threw two of its tentacles one her face and made chirping noises again.

"My baby akkorokamui." She said, as if she was having a casual talk.

"A akkorokamui!? Are you serious!?" Watanuki shrieked, as the little god snaked two more of its arms around her shoulders. "Why do you have a sea god in your storehouse?!"

"I was just keeping him for a little while. That's what the client wanted." Yuko sighed and picked up a fragment of the blue and white vase that had housed the octopus up until a few minutes ago and turned it over in her fingers. "This vase was kind of like the one you used to get to Zashiki-warishi's mountain, only this one was a holding space, not a passageway. But since you just broke his house, I'm going to have to contact my client."

"Big deal, but why is he here in the first place!?" Watanuki slapped her hands on the octopus and tried to pry him off her with no success. The octopus was now hugging the seer across her chest, under her armpits and nuzzling her neck happily.

"How should I know? I just stored him for a while." Yuko shrugged.

"You know everything!" Watanuki argued.

"Of course I do." Yuko replied with her signature smile. "But in all honesty, I don't _exactly_ where this little guy is headed. He's probably going to be a familiar for another, more powerful being or perhaps it wasn't safe for him in the ocean, so my client had him kept safe here for a little while. Those are my two best guesses. Anywho!~ No you're going to have to babysit him until dear, Shizue comes and picks him up!~"

"WHAT?!" The girl shrieked, gaping at her boss.

"Well, you were the one who broke the vase." Yuko pointed out, gesturing to the shattered pottery.

"I'm never cleaning your storehouse again if it means that I have to suffer for everything I touch." Watanuki grumbled, the octopus inching up high enough to cover her mouth with its body. "GET OFF ME!"

"Too bad!~" Yuko sang. "You have to clean it as long as you're indebted to me!"

"I'm starting to think that my payment has no end." Watanuki grumbled again from behind the octopus, giving the witch a pointed glare.

"You can think what you want, Watanuki," Yuko started as she stood up and started walking out of the storehouse. "But I never take more or less that what is required of a payment." She paused and looked back at the girl, "But if you keep breaking things, your debt will increase."

"Shut up! It was an accident!"

"But even accidents have a price, you should know that." Yuko wagged her finger at the girl.

"I know…" She sighed, pushing the octopus off of her face.

"Now be a dear and go stick your little friend in the aquarium.~" Yuko asked nicely.

"Aquarium?" Watanuki's eyebrows furled in confusion. "Since when did we have an aquarium?!" She asked, staring at said aquarium in the next few moments.

"Go ahead and dump him in." Yuko lifted the lid to the tank and waited for Watanuki to deposit the sea god inside. But the sea god didn't want to leave apparently, and wrapped itself tighter around the girl's arm where it had taken up residence.

"Get…off…ME!" She shook her arm over the tank to try and get him to let go but he just wouldn't. And then when her arm got tired and she lowered it, the octopus would loosen its hold and started to float around in the air on its own, like it was in water because…octopus god-spirit, she guessed. And then when she'd catch the thing again and try to dump it in the tank, he'd strangle hold her arm, or wrist or head or whatever part of her body that happened to be closest.

"He really likes you, Watanuki!~" Yuko giggled as the girl struggled to get rid of her pest.

"He likes you!~" Maru sang.

"He likes you!~" Moro repeated, dancing around with her twin.

"Yeah, well, I don't like him!" The girl snapped. At that comment, the octopus stopped happily swimming around and stared at Watanuki with the biggest octopus-eyes she'd ever seen and it seemed like he was about to cry, his body turning into a deep purple color.

"I think you made him sad, Watanuki." Yuko commented, and then she smacked the girl upside the head with the tank cover. "Apologize!"

"Fine!" Watanuki rubbed her aching head. "I'm sorry, little guy. I do like you." The octopus chirped happily, turning a grayish-yellowish color that probably meant he was happy and air-swam up to the seer and nuzzled her cheek. "Great. He's like a dog now." The girl rolled her eyes and carefully prepped for her next plan to get the octopus into the tank. "AHA!" She whipped out a mixing bowl that Maru had handed to her discretely and caught the sea god inside it before dumping him into the tank. Yuko replaced the lid with an efficient click and the little octopus floated down into the tank, folding his tentacles up like he was pouting and turned a deep blue color.

"What color do you think that is?" Watanuki asked, tapping the glass. The octopus whipped out an arm to smack the glass like he was slamming a door shut or something. Or trying to break the glass and get out, which was and even scarier thought.

"If I had a guess," Yuko started. "I'd say pissed off."

"You're right. He does look pissed. Like he's saying 'son of a-!'" Watanuki giggled, trying to think of other ways an octopus could curse. They didn't have fingers so flipping the bird wouldn't work…same with most other signs for profanity, but it was fun to think about anyway. Watanuki knelt by the tank and poked at the glass again. "If he's supposed to be a giant sea god, then why is he so tiny?" The girl asked, watching the octopus swim around in his temporary home.

"He's only a few decades old, still a baby." Yuko answered, watching the octopus too. "Give him a hundred years and he'll be sinking ships like a pro."

"I don't know if that's a good thing." The raven replied.

"It is in his line of work." The women responded casually. "Now…Watanuki…" The girl looked up at her boss. "Don't you have a storeroom to dust?"

"I get attacked by and octopus god and you still want me to clean your damn storehouse?!" Watanuki snapped.

"You're the one who broke the vase in the first place." Yuko shrugged. "And you're none the worse for wear, so get to work."

"I hate you." Watanuki muttered under the breath, glaring at the witch.

"I heard that." Yuko rolled her eyes.

"I hope you did!" The seer stomped off down the hallway towards the storehouse and the little octopus watched her go, wishing his new friend would come back.

…

"GODDAMNIT!" Watanuki's shriek rattled the rafters of the shop. Yuko was started awake from her nap and shot straight up, nearly falling off of her couch.

"Ug." She groaned, rubbing her eyes sleepily. "What is it this time?"

"Yuko! The damn octopus got out! It's like this thing is just prone to adventuring or something!" The witched dragged her ass into the kitchen where Watanuki was currently making dinner (or trying to, at least) and poked her head inside. Watanuki was right: the octopus had gotten out and was currently wrapped around the girl's head as she danced around the kitchen clumsily trying to get him off. And he was a grayish-yellowish color so he must've been happy.

"So it seems." Yuko commented, yawning. "I told you he liked you."

"But does he have to like me this much?!" Watanuki wedged her arm under the octopus' body and pulled him off her head, or she would have if his tentacles were glued to her hair.

"I guess so." Yuko watched the octopus and realized something important. "We should give him a name." She stated.

"What? Why?" Watanuki popped the sea-god off of her head and held him in both of her hands, smock and hair in disarray.

"Because we can't just keep calling him 'the octopus,' it's not nice."

"But that's what he is!" Watanuki growled, holding the octopus as far away from her as she could as he tried to wriggled up her arm. "Fine then! Just call him Tako!"

"Taco?" Yuko asked, tipping her head to the side and thinking that she did in fact want tacos tomorrow."

"No! Not 'taco!' Tako, like takoyaki!" (1). Watanuki huffed as she wedged her other arm in between her and the octopus. It was like they were playing a weird, upright game of twister, especially when the octopus grabbed Watanuki foot as she tried to use it to pry him off.

"But that's so…normal." Yuko pouted, disliking naming the octopus 'octopus.'

"I don't care!" It was at that moment that Doumeki walked into the shop, having finished his archery practice and popped over for Watanuki's cooking. When he entered the kitchen he found his girlfriend wrestling with an octopus the size of her head and that was not something you saw every day. But instead of wondering why the hell he had an octopus in the first place, he was wondering if she was going to cook the thing for dinner.

"That would be chewy." He said, referring to the consistency of octopus. Watanuki groaned, knowing exactly where his brain was (but she refused to cook a sea god for fear of being cursed even more than she already was) and Yuko had just found the perfect name.

"Chewy!~" She sang. "It's perfect!~"

"Chewy!~ Chewy!~ Chewy~" Maru and Moro sang as they waltzed into the room.

"No! We're not naming him Chewy! He's Tako!" Watanuki retorted. "Besides, who wants to worship a god named Chewy?"

"We can say that it came from Kamu." (2). Yuko replied.

"Then why don't we name him Kamu in the first place!?" Watanuki pointed out.

"Come here, Chewy!~" Yuko called. The octopus chirped happily and let go of Watanuki to float over to the witch and chirp happily again. "See? He likes it."

"Whatever." Watanuki pouted. Suddenly finding her face free, Doumeki walked up to give Watanuki an "I'm home" sort of kiss and pecked her lips briefly to get rid of her pout. It worked and Watanuki begrudgingly smiled, a little. It was at this moment that Chewy saw that his favorite person already had a favorite person and got insanely jealous, his little body curling up in anger as he turned a deep blue color and charged Doumeki, picking up a wooden spoon in the process.

"Duck!" Watanuki yelled, practicing what she was preaching. Doumeki followed suit and barely missed getting clocked with a spoon. But Watanuki on the other hand, she got an pinkish-whitish octopus on her head, and that octopus was waving around a wooden spoon like a sword.

"Not again!" The girl whined. She grabbed at Chewy but he wasn't letting go this time. Doumeki looked at her, a ghost of a smile on his face.

"Uh oh!~" Maru sang, striking a pose.

"Uh oh!~" Moro sang back, hitting her own pose.

"Looks like you've got a rival, Doumeki." Yuko said slyly.

"Hm." The archer replied, standing up and squaring off with the sea god. Watanuki's eyes widened as her boyfriend slapped his hands on Chewy and _pulled_.

"OW!" The girl felt like her neck was going to snap right off as Doumeki's monster strength tugged at the sea god. "Owowowow!"

"No one gets Watanuki except me." Doumeki stated monotonously as Chewy used his free tentacle to bat at him with the wooden spoon.

"And me!~" Yuko interjected.

"Just get him off me!" Watanuki growled, but Chewy would not let go. Finally, after ten minutes of pulling and shouting and giggling on Yuko's part, Watanuki finally gave up and ran screaming from the kitchen and into the room with the aquarium. She jumped onto the step stool that Maru and Moro had been using to peek into the top of the tank before the octopus got out and dunked her head into the aquarium. She startled Chewy with the sudden change of environment and he let go. Watanuki pulled her head out quickly and grabbed the tank lid that had fallen after the octopus had escaped and slammed it back into place. Chewy was already trying to push the lid off again, but the seer leaned all of her weight into the tank so he couldn't budge it. Maru and Moro waltzed into the room to see the action, giggling at Watanuki soaked head and clothing.

"Give me something heavy to hold down the lid!" The girl snapped.

"'Kay!" The twins saluted at the command and dashed out of the room only to return a few moments later with a really heavy book. They handed it to Watanuki and she checked the cover to make sure it wasn't one of her school textbooks. "The Encyclopedia Britannica?" She asked the twins. They shrugged innocently and Watanuki shrugged back before slamming it on the lid so Chewy couldn't get out again.

"You're never going to get that spoon back." Doumeki commented as he walked in, pointing into the tank. Watanuki leaned down to see that Chewy did in fact still have her spoon, and he was tapping it on the glass, giving her an evil eye.

"He turned blue again." Doumeki observed. Chewy swam up to the top of the tank and wedged his body in the corner, his tentacles pressing against the lid to try and get out again. His body turned a grayish-greenish that the archer took to be a concentrating sort of color as he pushed against the tank lid. But when he couldn't lift it (due to the weight of the very knowledgeable Encyclopedia Britannica), all he managed to do was pop himself down the side of the tank with his force and turned a deep again, as if to say, "Damnit!" "This octopus is a handful." Doumeki commented, pointing to the sea god.

"Don't I know it?" Watanuki sighed, placing her hands on her hips. "He's only been out of his vase for like an hour."

"Watanuki," Yuko piped up." I'm going to contact Shizue now, so he can take our little friend away before he causes more trouble. Will you go into the storehouse and find me a mirror?"

"Sure." The girl shrugged, glad at the prospect of getting rid of Chewy before he could suffocate and/or tear her head off again. She walked off down the hallway to look through the storehouse and a few minutes passed with just Yuko and Doumeki amusingly watching Chewy trying to push his way out of the tank. Their quiet time was interrupted when a crash came from the storehouse and Watanuki yelled, "GODDAMNIT!"

"What is it this time?!" Yuko snapped, irritated that things kept breaking and Watanuki kept screaming. The witch stomped off towards her storehouse with Doumeki right behind her and glared into the gloom, finding Watanuki in the middle of another mess. Another shattered vase to be accurate and another creature had popped out of it too.

"Mokona! Where have you been?" Yuko asked, picking up the little fur ball.

"I got stuck in a vase. Watanuki broke it." The pork bun replied, pointing to the broken vase shattered on the floor.

"That's coming out of your paycheck." Yuko gave the girl the eye.

"You don't even pay me!" Watanuki pinched the bridge of her nose and sighed, knowing that Yuko would add that to her price even though she freed Mokona. "What were you doing in there anyway?" She asked the pork bun.

"Looking for treasure." The Mokona winked.

"Treasure?" Watanuki's eyebrows pinched together.

"And I found it!~" Mokona held up a huge bottle of sake that it seemed to pull out of nowhere.

"Oh Mokona! You're my hero!" Yuko clapped her hands together excitedly and tossed her familiar up into the air and then caught him, dancing out to go have a drink…or twenty. "Watanuki!~ We need some snacks!"

"Yeah! And bring me some sour plums the way I like 'em!" Mokona ordered.

"I want gyoza." Doumeki said, placing his order.

"I've already got dinner planned!" Watanuki whined, taking off her head cloth and throwing it on the ground angrily.

"Hurry up! Or we'll let the octopus out again!~" Yuko threatened joyfully.

"I'm coming!" The raven dashed off, compliant for once as she made evening snack and late night snack for good measure.

End.

A/N: And there you go! Don't forget to let me know if you liked it! See you all later! :3

Note 1: Takoyaki is a ball-like Japanese fried dish consisting of a wheat-flour batter filled with diced octopus, tempura scraps, pickled ginger and green onion.

Note 2: Kamu is a Japanese verb that means to chew or to bite, which is why Yuko chose it as the default second name because it was close to chewy.


End file.
